Post by Publicist on Mar 19, 2023 7:51:54 GMT -5
MARCH 19, 2023
WRAP-UP
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: This is SHOTS FIRED! I’m the Doctor that doesn’t charge an arm and a leg, and I can cure everything through your ear holes, except for the plague!
Venus Flytrap: I’m the man, the myth, the legend, Venus Flytrap!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Last week the Hit Girls went down in defeat against a very tough Toronto team in an absolute nailbiter of a game. I already know that my partner is going to have a hot take or two, but allow me to say this; those girls played their hearts out and they hung in until the very end. I don’t have a bad thing to say, but I already know that’s not going to be the case for my partner, so go ahead!
Venus Flytrap: Look, Angie targeted Roxy, but she can’t put the ball in her hands when it counts to get some points on the board. I got it, she hit Cartier, but sooner or later she’s going to have to get the ball into the hands of her receivers…preferably Roxy!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: That was actually pretty mild.
Venus Flytrap: Well, I have been saying it all season, but no one is listening to me! The Offense needs to produce, and that starts and stops with the QB!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Let’s just agree to disagree. Another thing that shot Cincy in the foot was penalties. 11 penalties for 76 yards. That’s more yards than we had rushing. That’s a problem that Coach is going to have to solve.
Venus Flytrap: Problem? I don’t see a problem at all! Didn’t you hear Atara Raven crying after the game about Lissie Hope getting a few bumps and bruises? She called The Hit Girls Cincinasty, and I for one, am here for it! Put that Defense in black and let them go out there and put those other teams on notice! To me, those little yellow flags shouldn’t mean anything but bonuses in their paychecks!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Well, if that’s the case, Salvatore-Spencer and your buddy, Dixon would be at the pay window for every single game! Speaking of Dixon, I thought you two were having a face to face?
Venus Flytrap: It’s coming! Our schedules haven’t meshed too well, but after it does, you can count on me making her cry during that interview, mark my words!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Right! I suspect that she’ll be getting flagged for laying you out!
Venus Flytrap: We will see, Doc.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Let’s change things up and take a little bit of the burden off the Hit Girl’s official account, shall we? Let’s run quickly through the stats leaders through week 10.
Venus Flytrap: Let’s get it!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Coda and Cartier continue to be Vaughn’s favorite targets when she has to dump off the ball. Coda has 47 targets and Cartier has 40.
Venus Flytrap: And yet, Roxy is open every time!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: No she isn’t! Speaking of Cotton, she does lead the team in receiving yards with 801. Coda trails with 642. So, there you go. Cotton is the big play threat.
Venus Flytrap: As I have told everyone from the start!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Surprisingly, or maybe not, Salvatore-Spenser leads the team in touchdowns with a total of 6. She has 5 rushing and 1 pick 6. Dixon and Cotton both have 4 a piece.
Venus Flytrap: That’s just ridiculous.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Let’s talk about the Defense. It’s no question that the reason Cincy is feared is because of the heavy lumber being laid down and our 2 top lumberjills have been Anderson and Trixie. Anderson might be getting upset about the number of targets she gets from the QB, but she takes that frustration out on the opposing Offense. Anderson has 70 tackles and 8 of those have been for a loss. Trixie has 53 hits to her name.
Venus Flytrap: I rarely agree with Kenzi, but yeah, she spent damn good money on Katie and she needs to back a dump truck of cash up to her door to keep her next season.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Finally some praise for someone NOT named Cotton. Speaking of big hits, let’s look at some tough blocking. No surprise here, Cartier loves laying out people and so does Trixie. Cartier has 29 pancake blocks on the season and Trixie is right behind her with 28.
Venus Flytrap: They can lay me out anytime.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: If you keep running your mouth, they probably will! Here’s a not so good stat line, which we talked about earlier; Salvatore-Spencer leads the team when it comes to laundry left on the field with 7 penalties for 49 yards. Dixon has 4 for 45 yards. You still handing out those bonuses?
Venus Flytrap: Maria has the toughest job out there, she’s rushing, receiving, and doing kick returns. That’s a lot of hard work…Dix has ONE job, stay out of Roxy’s way!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: You refuse to stop. Anyway, Salvatore-Spencer makes up for her mistakes by leading the team in yardage. She has a combined 1,201 yards of offense, followed by Coda with 1,071 yards.
Venus Flytrap: That is why Coach defends his woman against all your finger pointing!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Speaking of defending, Vaughn is not only great at protecting the ball on Offense, but she is tremendous at defending against them on Defense. It’s not even close! 19 balls defended and Cotton follows…far behind with 10.
Venus Flytrap: You need to check your tone!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: The final stat is scoring. Obviously, those touchdowns has Salvatore-Spencer near the front with 36 points, but the weapon that gets overlooked is Honey Sunshine, who stepped up and took Vaughn’s position at Kicker and she leads the team with 65 points scored.
Venus Flytrap: Sweet girl. She’s too nice for me to talk shit about her.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: That’s a first. Anyway, today a Miami Storm blows into town and it will be all hands on deck, coming off the loss to The Frost. This game looks like a cakewalk for Cincy and the odds makers aren’t giving the Storm too much of a chance, in spite of Coach saying that any team can lose on any given Sunday. What about it Flytrap?
Venus Flytrap: Coach was being nice. The Hit Girls are going to beat the brakes off Miami and send them home with an 0-10 record. Raven called them Cincinasty and I think today is the day that they earn every bit of that nickname!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Well, we can only hope that you’re right on that count Fly! That will do it for us, we will see you next time on, SHOTS FIRED!
