Post by Publicist on Jan 8, 2023 8:05:43 GMT -5
JANUARY 8, 2023
SEASON OPENER
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: OW! Babies, listen up, it’s the Doctor coming at you and I want to welcome the LFL fans to the first edition of SHOTS FIRED!, the LFL Reborn edition! We are here to talk about all things Cincinnati, with my main man VENUS FLYTRAP!
Venus Flytrap: That’s right people, the name is Venus! Just so you know, all the ladies think I’m from another planet because of the size of my huge peni-
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: WHOA DADDY, that’s too much information, but let’s get off that topic and get right to the reason for this new LFL season, and that’s The Hit Girls of Cincy, my man! It’s a new season and a lot of new faces, and some old ones in new places, hit em’ with the tee, V.
Venus Flytrap: The biggest news for Cincy was the departure of Kenzi Grey, the team’s starting QB since our first opening day. It’s no secret, I was never a fan and I blamed most of the team’s failures on her play…or lack thereof! Kenzi is gone, thank the Lord above!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: She’s the new team owner…and our boss.
Venus Flytrap: And what a lovely owner she is! Best in the LFL! We truly blessed.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Right.
Venus Flytrap: Anyhow, Angela Vaughn is stepping up from her role as Kicker and she’ll be slinging the rock for Cincy today when the Detroit Rampage come to play. I don’t know what to expect from Vaughn in her new role, but it has to be better than what we had. Word on the street is that Vaughn has been given control of the offense, so it’s feast of famine for her. If Cincy aint a contender, I know one super tall chick who’s gonna be labeled a pretender!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: If that happens, would you lobby for Grey to come back?
Venus Flytrap: Man, don’t you put that evil on me! They need to make it work! Pay Vaughn in kittens or whatever!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Okay! Vaughn is running the offense this year, but another huge change is that AMC has been moved up to captain the defense. She’s also a Day 1 veteran here in Cincy, so what’s the expectation Fly?
Venus Flytrap: AMC has always been there, down and dirty in the trenches, de-cleating the competition as our Pancake Block Queen, so it’s fitting that she’s given a bigger role on this team. AMC is fine like wine, so I can’t wait to see her put her stamp on my D!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: You mean D, like the defense?
Venus Flytrap: …yeah…that one too, I guess.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Let’s get back to the offense. Roxy Cotton is still claiming to be the best receiver in the LFL and she won a poll in Cincy, where the fans voted and seemed to agree. Do you agree, even with the likes of Coda, and new faces like Dixon and Anderson in the mix? I don’t know that Roxy is the best in the LFL, but is she even the best in Cincy?
Venus Flytrap: You know I got a soft spot for Cotton…and a hard one for her too! Rox has been money for us since the start, and that’s on everything! Now, Coda has also been right there, nipping at her heels and this off-season she’s been the first one on the field and the last one off it, every day, all day! If Cotton aint watching her back…she can expect a Coda sneak attack!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: There is too much innuendo in that, my man, so I aint gonna ask for a rewind. But back to Dixon and Anderson, any thoughts on the two newest faces in Cincy?
Venus Flytrap: Doc, I been watching and I been listening and I like it so far. They ready to do big things, but I’m wondering if they are gonna stand up and fight for the ball, even against the likes of Roxy. You see, they been playing nice so far, even coming to Roxy’s defense on social media, but on the field it’s a whole different deal! Roxy don’t give a flip, she’ll sell out everyone to get to the rock…Dixon and Anderson better be ready to do the same!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: How about Trixie and Honey? Both have been quiet the last few weeks, even with the changes in their team roles. What have you been hearing?
Venus Flytrap: They both ready, we GOOD! Trix is gonna do what she always do, period, point blank! I know she was looking to expand her horizons with some in-ring action, but she always shows up and shows out on the field. As for Honey, she got big shoes to fill, but she’s been ready for this chance to shine at the big dance. I expect big things from both of them this season, don’t you even worry bout that!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: If you said it, it’s the gospel. However, since you mentioned in-ring action, its hard not to talk about another favorite of yours, who’s been making a lot of noise in Mainstream wrestling, and that’s Cartier. Do you think she’ll be able to handle the demands of both, on and off the field competition at a high level?
Venus Flytrap: Bruh! Cartier loves hitting fools in the mouth, so what you think? I know you concerned about her body giving out, but I can tell you as an expert…I been watching that body, do what it do, that ass don’t quit, and them boobies don’t too!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: You need professional help.
Venus Flytrap: Good thing you’re a doctor.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Moving on! Maria Spenser has been called up to replace our Pro Bowl Running Back. She has zero history at the position and her husband is the Head Coach. She’s already causing problems in the locker room, how is all of this gonna end?
Venus Flytrap: Let me dose you with the truth, cuz it will set you free Daddy! Maria can be as big of an ass as she wants…so long as she performs for her man and the team! If she can run half as good as Amira, all this talk about how she got the job and her attitude will be old news!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: And what if she sucks?
Venus Flytrap: Well…the only one who’ll be happy about that will be her man, I guess.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Well, on that note, there is no better time to focus on the game today! Cincy hosts the Rampage and there is a little bit of a story here, a bit of bad blood, maybe some sour grapes?
Venus Flytrap: A few weeks ago, Sidney Grey was let go by our new owner, and her daughter…now, that’s COLD BLOODED! That should have been the end of things, but Sid keeps turning up like a bad penny, and now she’s coming back to Cincy…as a member of the Rampage, in our season opener. You can’t write this stuff in Hollywood! It’s a revenge game and a grudge match, all in one! Sid said she was coming back to make Cincy pay, and it’s all going down today!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Well, I for one, can’t wait to see this home opener! It’s The Rampage at Cincy, today at 1pm! Come on out to the stadium and support The Hit Girls! Also, make sure you dial in to the post game show for our take on the game! It’s gonna be a blast! Until then, I’m The Doctor…
Venus Flytrap: And I’m Venus.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: And this has been Shots Fired, on WKRP, in Cincinnati!
