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Post by Publicist on Jun 14, 2019 11:05:32 GMT -5
 CTN INSIDER MAGAZINE
July 2019
WrestleStock, a condensed history.
by Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan
HIIIIII-iiiiiiii!
This is YOUR reason for being, the spoon that adds just the RIGHT amount of chocolate to your lavender-infused platinum vanilla froyo, the Queen of Anarchy, founding member of the #FiveFootTwoMafia, one of the Mean Girl Overlords, the Master of Typos, the Mother of Pigeons, Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan here to provide YOU all beautiful baby birds out there the BEST WrestleStock Preview that there has EVER been! Now, it IS quite possible that there has never AXLY been a WrestleStock Preview, which would make this one the best by default, but I’ll still take it! We’ve got some numbers, some analysis, some comics, and more!
Founded in 2011, WresteStock is a multi-day celebration of ALL that is wrestling held by the UGWC. And while I COULD drone on and on about how the days are themed and such, but I am SO not one to ramble or get off on tangents or anything, so I just want to focus on the two MOST important aspects of the show: The WrestleStock Cup and the MAIN EVENT of the entire show, the World Championship Match! Lets break this down a bit...first with the Cup!
~~2015~~
The very FIRST proper WrestleStock Cup had TEN participants representing FIVE different companies! The UGWC reps included such stalwarts as Larry (the good one, not that shitty one from Zane’s promos), Cynric, and Fear...none of whom made it to the finals! But Chaos DID, as well as EPW’s Dr. Emo...not to be confused with ANOTHER super emo doctor we all know and love...and OWF’s Jesse Williams. Because of the odd amount of participants, a triple threat to finish off the tournament will become a common practice, and this was as wild and weird as they usually are. I’m not personally a fan of wrestling in that style of match, but it certainly worked out well for the inaugural Cup winner, Jesse Williams! This was before the winner got themselves a title shot, but that trophy probs looks as good on HIS mantle as (#SpoilerAlert) the two do on the mantle of a CERTAIN unaffordable home in Hollywood Hills!
~~2016~~
The 2016 version of the WrestleStock Cup was both a TAD bit smaller (8 participants) and also MUCH bigger (because of the winner!). This year ended up in a fatal fourway for the (now, but not yet at this stage) coveted Cup, with the finalists being Trent Steele, Travis Pierce, Steve Parker, and Kem Dynamo. T-Pie ended up embarrassing every future generation of his family, and every ancestor for that matter, by allowing himself to get spiked by the Kemopotamus and, though his attempt was valiant, was unable to get out from underneath her massive MASSIVE bulk, thus giving her the Cup.
~~2017~~
Ah, the year when SHEER GREATNESS found its way to the Cup! The year of the triple threat saw nine participants, so that made an easy three triple threat qualifiers and then the final. That final included Smelly Maggie, Trent Steele, and the SINGLE most badass of the badasses within the business, Yours Truly. This was the first year that a title match was offered to the winner along with the Cup itself, so a lot was a stake, and I REVELED in getting to punch Smelly Maggie in her stupid face for the first of many, MANY times over the next couple of years. While I was NOT able to then follow up with a title match victory at In Your Hands, that trophy sits on my mantle and gets TLC daily!
~~2018~~
Holy craxballs! 2018 saw an INCREDIBLE prediction come true...but I’m getting a TOUCH ahead of myself. This tournament saw a return to the original’s ten participants from a TON of feds, with UGWC WELL represented. In order to whittle it all down, there were three rounds (though SOMEONE got a pass through the middle…), which allowed ME to become the person with the MOST WrestleStock Cup wins! The final was my prediction from the Synergy before, that it would be an #AllCoolKidFinal, as the triple threat for the cup was between myself, Angie Vaughn, and my wife, who I am SO devoted to that tears are, like, legit coming to my eyes as I type this, even IF we are totes NOT fighting over names n’ shit right now. N-E-Ways, the three of us beat the everloving PISS out of one another. Like, legit just threw out our big moves like we were playing the UGWC video game with finishers stored at the start, and my baby took me DOWN on route to adding HER name to the list of winners! And then I reversed that particular position at the after party, but that’s another story!
~~2019~~
Who will join THIS pic of two badasses, some dude, and the patient of a sixtuplet bypass surgery? Who knows!!! The field this year includes representatives for the UGWC in T-Pie (again) and Team Johnny's Hide Yamazaki, as well as a 57-time world champion (lets you know how prestigious THOSE titles were!) in What's Her Name. But! This ball of awesomesauce is pretty sure that it is going to be XWF representative Robbie Bourbon, as I have personally seen up close what the Bourbmeister can do! AND! It will be fun to try to translate his attire into #CoolKidsComics form!
And now...I give you...the MAIN EVENT of WrestleStock...the World Championship Match!
~~2011~~
The first EVER main event for WrestleStock was...bear in mind the company we are talking about...one of the DUMBEST displays of craxy nonsense in the world! A certain attention whore hosted the final day and did his best to make it all about him by, instead of having...ya know...matches...held a “contest” of sorts. The multiman “match” featuring Fear, my wife’s favorite gang bang enthusiast Gabby, T-Pie, Dylan the Jobber, some dude who likes abusing his position and power, and reigning AND DEFENDING World Champion Tyvola, was a series of nonsense until THE CHAMP beat some dude.
~~2012~~
The second WrestleStock World Championship match was also a totes legit clusterfuck. While the Chaos Championship was being tossed around like a piece of junk no one wanted, the World Title was being fought over in an elimination match that never seemed to end. Like, legit, it went all day. It had action, blood, unnecessary no-sells to make people feel good about themselves, a gross reference to an old lady’s menstrual cycle that my wife would probably find interesting (because she’s weird), and a retaining champion. Thus, with Phrixus Deimos walking both into and out of WrestleStock as the champ, the champs are 2-0 on the final day thus far!
~~2013~~
In a running theme of “I legit don’t know what the fuck is going on,” some people had to beat up a shit load of other people this year and I’m not axly sure what any of it was about? But, I DO know that Eden Morgan, Zane Scott, and Chaos all were fighting over that title so much that it included ears being ripped off, and in what is a pretty shocking thing to me personally, the World Champion retained in the craxiness for a third year in a row. That’s right, Eden went IN as champ and LEFT as champ. And while the context IS a bit different than what we will see in the future, she is the FIRST person to win the Massive Melee AND win the WrestleStock main event.
~~2014~~
2014 saw a bigass unification match as D-Tings put up his UGWC World Championship against Jet-Som’s PPW Paramount Title. Now, the year BEFORE there was a joke or two about PPW that about .000000001% of the population got so it makes PERFECT SENSE that the PPW would be fed to become part of the UGWC Championship. On a day containing WAY too many shitty pics, the UGWC World Champion somehow once again retained at WrestleStock, though this time in a legit coin flip, and in doing so making the champion’s advantage a l33t thing. At this stage, the whole “winner of the Melee gets the title shot” thing was have starting soon is NOT looking good, as the champ has retained at all 4 WrestleStocks thus far.
~~2015~~
This year was all Vain, tbh. He beat KvK for the World Championship at Infinity, defended against Melee winner Deimos at the Kobayashi Maru (my wife just creamed her pants at the PPV name, so thanks for that…), retained AGAIN at In Your Hands, and then went on to be the FIFTH World Champion in a goddamn row to retain at WrestleStock. He fought of a surging Mainstreamer, who is our favorite jobber in 2019, but was on top with the Engine in those days and the match could have gone either way. Shame that shit ended with one of those “lets get EVERYONE over at the end!” things where no one axly gets over.
~~2016~~
Before his current incarnation as “Just kinda MEH Guy,” Travis Roberts was a beast and showed it this year. Becoming the SIXTH FUCKING PERSON TO DO SO, he went in as champion and retained in a short but stiff match against Melee winner Dredd. Note of interest: Covert Jay got REALLY interested when it came to a two handed goozle. Apparently the Jay bedroom gets as kinky as the Grey-Lacklan bedroom does! Wonder if he has a collection of blindfolds like Kenzi does?
~~2017~~
FINALLY! FINALLY a World Champion goes down at WrestleStock! And it just so HAPPENS to be Eden, so feel free about inserting your own jokes about going down. Now, just as Deimos had a KILLER year a couple of years before, and T-to-the-Berts had a similar 2016, the Year of our Lord 2017 was ALL Gabriel Baal. Along with winning that year’s #CoolRankings outright, he also won the Melee (my first battle royal EVER!) and went on to unseat the champion in a particularly brutal match.
~~2018~~
Annnnnnnnd RIGHT BACK to the champ retaining! 2018 was TOUGH for our favorite picture of obesity and shitty takes, Kem Dynamo, as her return to the fed saw some incredible highs (Won the Melee, the Battleground Match, and got into the championship round of Outast) AND some terrible lows (lost every title match, lost all respect anyone ever had for her, died of a heart attack...that last one may not be true…), and this was spotlighted as a recently-kidnapped/tortured/raped (probably) Lucy Wylde came crashing down with a double rotation moonsault.
~~2019~~
So here we are! 2019! Here’s the truth, no matter how certain people may wish to angle or color things: A handful of people have been outright unTOUCHable in UGWC this year. My #CoolKids sisters in Angie, Roxy, and my beautiful bride Kenzi, as well as my Step-Mumsie. As such, it comes as NO surprise that two of those four would be in the main event of our second most important show.
Step-Mumsie has the World Championship in her sights, and her extreme focus helped her win the Melee. Angie has proven ALL of the doubters wrong (including myself!) as she has been nearly perfect in winning the “big” matches in the last year, including wins over Kenzi, Vain, Scott, and more. Who is going to win this year? We will have to wait a few more days to find out, but I’ll say this:
The numbers do not look good for the challenger. The two have fought many MANY times in the last couple of years and Angie has the clear advantage. Factor in the fact that the challenger has only won the championship ONCE out of EIGHT WrestleStocks, I think it’s pretty clear that I will be buying my (non spouse!) BFF yet ANOTHER congratulatory appletini after the show.
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Post by Publicist on Jun 26, 2019 19:10:49 GMT -5
 Union Grand Prix helped to bring mixed martial arts to the forefront of combat sports. Its athletes display, not only power, but grace and technique while plying their trade. What they do is not for the faint of heart nor is it for the mentally or physically weak. To be the best, you have to dedicate long hours to train yourself to operate at peak efficiency, even while under duress or fighting against the limits of your own body. Training and a proper diet is key, but what happens when that is not enough? What happens when someone needs an edge…or…when others think that you are gaming the system because your performance is seemingly other worldly? That is the rub and that is at the center of the scandal that rocked UGP, leading to a wave of testing for banned substances, dozens of releases, and the cancelation of a huge pay-per-view event, costing the company millions.
At the center of it all, Rob Jones, a young up and coming fighter with an impeccable record and a bright future. That future was shattered when allegations of doping hit like a bomb, blasting apart the careers of Jones and many others like him. Over the last several weeks Jones has been a lightning rod for those who see him as a cheater who arrogantly gamed the system and flaunted his success while others worked hard and played fair only to come up short.
Last month a Jones supporter responded to a Circle Television Network announcement concerning a UGP exhibition match, the first one since the cancellation of UGP 12 on the 6th of June. This raised the ire of many who still felt the sting of the black mark that had fallen over the MMA community from the apparent scandal caused by him. Throughout, Jones has maintained his innocence, all while continuing to antagonize the masses with his claims of simply being better, naturally. Tonight Rob Jones sits with me and discusses what really happened, from his perspective.
Is Rob Jones the villain? Is Rob Jones the victim? Listen to his words and you be the judge.
 Let’s address the elephant in the room right off the top, you were released from Union GP. The rumor is that it was because of cheating; specifically doping to gain an unfair advantage. Is that why you were fired? Rob Jones [RJ]: Yes and no. I had been accused of doping before the Warren fight. Myself, Tommy, and the others never failed a drug test, and we were never found to be violating any sanctions. After the doping accusations became rampant on social media our management team sat down with Dante and mutually decided to part ways. FAQ: Misty DeMeans was also swept up in the same allegations, with many claiming that you implicated her after you were accused. Was Misty dirty and if so, how did you know? RJ: I don't know Misty well. The only link between our gyms was Alejandro Rivera, Jack Nation, and TW Combat Sports fighters utilized the same management team. FAQ: You agreed to leave UGP after a conversation with the owner. Most people would say that was like an admission of guilt. If you did nothing wrong, why agree to leave? Why not conform to the rule change and show everyone that you were never dirty? RJ: Truth is I'm in this sport for fun. I didn't need to be in UGP. didn't need the money. FAQ I just enjoy fighting and if I had to fight on a regional circuit up here in New York I will do so but I'm not going to sit there and listen to all these other fighters call me a cheat and make other allegations against me just because I'm better than them and they knew it. In the end the juice was worth the squeeze. There was no wrong doing. I was just a better fighter and made it a point to remind everybody. FAQ: You have been very polite in our interview, but a lot of the banter on social media has not been so kind. I understand that others are angry and upset, but you seemed to take a great deal of delight in stirring up the masses against you. Don’t you think that hurts the sport and what UGP and others are trying to do? Why do you continue to respond and push a narrative that most find divisive and counterproductive? RJ: I was more than happy to banter with those guys. I'm a naturally polite person that's the way I was brought up, but when somebody wants to have a little verbal sparring match, I'm there and yes I'll be more than entertained. So don't think I'm not a nice guy. I sure do love the trash talk though FAQ: I polled many of your former co-workers and asked them to submit questions for this interview; the response was overwhelming that most just want to move on and put this incident behind them. My question for you is if you can do that as well? RJ: (chuckles) I'd expect nothing less. They're all going to try distancing themselves from myself and TW Combat Sports. When titles are exchanged down the road they're going to want to pretend they've beaten the best, but in actuality Tommy Ward, Scotty Gordy, Reggie Martin, and I collectively known as #thetwcombatshow were the best and we proved it by our clean sweep at UGP 11. FAQ: Union GP is moving on without you, but not without wide spread testing that has seen several other fighters released and an entire event cancelled. Do you take any responsibility for that and if not, who do you think should shoulder the blame? RJ: Union GP is a good upstart company so I'm not surprised by them moving on. As for those 'releases' it's my understanding that Reno Nevada and Ivan Arlovski left on their own as did the majority of HILITE FC. I take no responsibility for BossFightNightXI getting cancelled. That is all on the shoulders of Giz and Robert Guilliman. As for drug testing I am hugely supportive of a cleaner sport. FAQ: What do you think the future of Union GP will be without you as part of it? RJ: The future for Union is bright. Did this whole mess cost them at least 12 great fighters? Yes. Are there any other options for the sport of course, for every one retired fighter there are five ready to take their place. FAQ: On June 6th Cal McCluskey and Jordan Parker-Kane square off in a Union GP sanctioned fight during UGWC WrestleStock and someone took to social media to comment; “Neither of them would have lasted a round with the #Kingof 155 Rob Jones.” Now that you have this forum, can you tell the fans what you think of the competitors in that fight and could you give a prediction? RJ: (chuckles) I heard about a fan who commented on that fight by showing me love and I appreciate that, but it wasn't anything I said. As for the fight itself Cal's got a huge chip on his shoulder and wants to prove himself against JPK, but I think Spidey will submit him in the later rounds. FAQ: What does the future hold for you in the MMA world and where can your fans see you next? RJ: You never know bud. I’m just doing my thing now. If anything changes, I'll let you know.
Union Grand Prix has moved on and is in the process of scheduling its next major event, tentatively Boss Fight XI which is rumored to have major title implications. This is the perfect way to move forward and usher in a new era of MMA competition while avoiding the negativity of this alleged cheating scandal. The fighters of UGP have mostly focused on the revamp, though there are occasional pot shots fired back and forth between current members and former members. It is a highly competitive sport and trash talk is par for the course.
This interview was not conducted with the approval or in any way sanctioned by UGP, nor was it meant to be an endorsement of Rob Jones or any other MMA fighter. It is my sincere hope that the rough feelings that were caused by the fall out can be smoothed over and hopefully time will heal all wounds. That will be a difficult task while fighters and fans continue to take pot shots at one another over social media, but the fight game is filled with big personalities and even bigger egos. At the end of the day, the past is the past and all that matters is the future.
UGP management has done a great job of steering the ship through rough waters and they have their sights set on putting all of this behind them as they move forward with new fighters and slick new presentation of their well-established product. As for Rob Jones, he informed me that he would now be fighting for the newly established Global Combat Championships, based out of Abu Dhabi.
I wish both sides all the best. I am Francis Alexander Quinn, and this has been Just the FAQ!
Just The FAQ ©
Circle Television Network 2019
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Post by Publicist on Jul 2, 2019 19:11:37 GMT -5
With WrestleStock 19 upon us, many of its stars were out in force to mingle with fans in advance of this huge event! CTN was there to capture some of the best photos of these sports professionals out and about!
All photos courtesy of Ashley Allen
of CoolTubeSource
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Post by Publicist on Jul 2, 2019 19:12:55 GMT -5
Oh good she's back at it again, watching wrestling,making this officially the second match she's watched all year. What a terrible advertisement for this sport she is.
On the screen in front of her you can see Sarah Lacklan, woman who's eyes make it look like she's constantly getting caught out in a bad photograph, limping about like a champion. She kills the video there and gets at it.
"I started this thing as a bit to make fun of all their shit shows with x names that all sound basically the same. A fact I'm confident in without ever having seen either of them. I just wanted to make fun of Kenzi but now I accidentally have a job. Bunch of shit."
She's having a great time.
"Anyway in this one her wife is supposedly fighting for a title but it sort of just feels like she's committing a crime. I quite like Sarah and she's apparently related to all my friends but it sort of feels like they just filmed her conducting a very long form mugging."
She gives a fuck it shrug.
"Whatever you want to call it, Drusilla Lacklan attacks some poor guy just trying to enjoy his dinner and ruins everyone's night, there are a bunch of cameos from all her shortarse gremlin buddies and it's quite possible he impaled himself on a pepper grinder. Obviously she was going to win because I taught her how to survive in Deathmatches by using the power of don't think about it to hard to brush off even the nuttiest of blows. I never did it for the other guy, so that's why he passed out while stupidly climbing a wine rack. Terrible plan. Deserves the the bread knife appendectomy he probably gave himself."
She looks about done. We're also probably about done.
"Oh! Also she cut a promo part way through it but I don't really know what it was about. I was googling to see if everyone from Lacklanland has that sort of mole people look about them. Results inconclusive. For that it's 6 stars out of whatever my grading scale is. Did I even have one of those? I do now anyway so there you go. 6."
Lisa waves us away.Suplexx with Lisa Seldon ©
Circle Television Network 2019
All Rights Reserved |
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Post by Publicist on Jul 2, 2019 19:13:04 GMT -5
CENTERFOLD
AMC shows charm and elegance in this flowing red evening gown from LENA's Crimson Goddess Firestarter line.
Photography by Ashley Allen Centerfold ©
Circle Television Network 2019
All Rights Reserved |
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Post by Publicist on Jul 2, 2019 19:13:29 GMT -5
UGWC CoolRankings Hello everyone! And welcome to the THIRD edition of the UGWC CoolRankings for 2019! The Coalition is heading into one of its biggest shows of the year, the celebration for all things professional wrestling and entertainment that is WrestleStock, and some of the featured wrestlers in the company have had some changes and movements during the Melee cycle. Lets see how they all shook up!
| Ranking | Name | #CoolPoints | | #10 | Hide Yamazaki | 9.39 | | #9 | Holden Orson | 10.63 | | #8 | Wrestle McWrestleface | 14.82 | | #7 | Dave Rydell | 15.00 | | #6 | Donovan Hastings | 18.21 | | #5 | Zane Scott | 21.68 | | #4 | Angie Vaughn | 29.47 | | #3 | LACKLAN | 30.22 | | #2 | Kenzi Grey-Lacklan | 31.41 | | #1 | Roxy Cotton | 33.56 |
-Johnny Bonecrusher can FINALLY stop crying about this list, as that THING Yamazaki has earned enough victories to surpass Phrixus Deimos on this list after the man formerly known as Fear took some much needed time off. The Queen (more on her in a bit) has been at the center of both of their stories as of late, and it has meant some interesting situations for everyone involved. Will we be seeing that THING get some sort of title shot soon? I think so!
-Holden Orson was able to keep his #9 spot from last cycle, and NOT be passed up by the aforementioned THING, due to picking up his third victory of the year. But, that WAS over Kate Steel, so I'm not sure if that really even counts. And unfortunately for him, he has little to no momentum going into WrestleStock and seems to be a distracted and listless ship.
-Wrestle McWrestleface has gone 2-1 since Seven Deadly Sins, his best showing in any previous cycle, and had a TREMENDOUS showing in the melee! In fact, he has SUCH a great showing that he basically stole the SHOW for some weird reason! Why, he got more ACTION and DRAMA by himself than half the roster combined! In the end, it really didn't matter, though, as he was eliminated and then murdered by someone else who ALSO got the MASSIVE RUB/really didn't matter combo. What does that mean for his future place at WrestleStock? NO IDEA!
-Dave Rydell's has taken the last few weeks off, including not being at the Melee as we thought he was, likely due to being worn out from the crazy schedule he ran as one half of Team Angell, as well as being the short-lived Cross-Hemisphere Champion. He is still in the thick of things for the #CoolPoints and I expect him to return for the Stock. It would be interesting to see him partner with another unlikely partner and go after the championships of a depleted division.
-Speaking of, Donovan Hastings has found himself in an odd position. Still champion with my boss after several matches, the former Consortium member has been quiet lately, but that didn't stop him from being victorious at the Melee over Konrad Raab. As I mentioned before, I am curious to what situation he and my bosslady will find themselves in at the Melee, particularly when you think of the random...and deadly...Cooperative Match that happened LAST year.
-Zane Scott has had a great run lately, winning 4 out of his last 5 matches, and nearly winning the Melee and the World Championship opportunity at WrestleStock. He has won some high-profile Cooperative matches lately, and this Head Legionette thinks that being involved in the Cooperative Day at Wrestlestock would be a great thing to see. I feel like he is still trying to figure out what and who he is in 2019, and I think that if he snagged a certain Vain dude, just like he did last year, and challenged for the titles, we would have ourselves another barn burner.
-Our world champion finds herself slipping a bit in the rankings, falling out of the Top Three, but that doesn't change the fact that she is nearly unstoppable. She failed in her endeavor of being coming a double champion, but did NOT fail in her desire to provide a world-class performance for the crowd who loves her. And no matter what anyone says, Angie Vaughn STILL has a HUGE advantage going into her defense of the World Championship at the conclusion of WrestleStock, which will be covered later in this magazine!
-Speaking of that match, LACKLAN stands tall as the winner of the Massive Melee, thanks in part, in this Personal Assistant's eyes, to a somewhat favorable draw. I believe that we would be having a MUCH different WrestleStock lineup if either Zane Scott or Alan Wallace drew lucky #13! That being said, the Queen's stock rose considerably after dispatching what was arguably her toughest Chaos Championship challenge yet, and certainly the most personal, and is now poised to challenge for the World Title.
-Kenzi Grey-Lacklan (no, I'm not editing your name!) had a tough loss a couple of weeks ago on Synergy, but has otherwise stayed as successful as at any other time this year. After yet another defense of her Cooperative Championship, continuing to shoulder the lion's share of the workload, the question before her now is whether or not she wishes to attempt what the Blood Princess failed to do last year: Repeat as WrestleStock Open Cup winner.
-And finally, Roxy Cotton's INSANE run continues. While you CAN roll your eyes BIG TIME over her "imma 'defend' against locals" nonsense on Synergy, you CAN'T over her successful defense of the title in the hardest scenario possible: Against her best friend, and seemingly unstoppable World Champion, Angie Vaughn. Now poised to defend in some odd open scenario against who the fuck knows at WrestleStock, she hopes to hold onto the top spot with her plastic grip.
UGWC CoolRankings ©
Circle Television Network 2019
All Rights Reserved |
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Post by Publicist on Jul 2, 2019 19:47:19 GMT -5
CAT-CHAT
Just a couple of cool cats owned by Angie Vaughn, watching television and chatting about the issues from a uniquely feline perspective. If you're a cat lover and you aren't watching Cat Chat with Ser Alex and Ser Bobby, then you aren't a real cat lover!
Ser Bobby: "So, now that you're dating Chewie, have you guys gotten to third base yet?"
Ser Alex: "Not yet, he just take it on the chin."
Ser Bobby: "WHOA!"
Cat Chat ©
Circle Television Network 2019
All Rights Reserved |
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Post by Publicist on Jul 2, 2019 19:48:00 GMT -5
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Post by Publicist on Jul 2, 2019 19:54:24 GMT -5
“Oy...ye are gonna pay fer dat, little girl! Lets get ‘em, boys!”
The miners roar as the dark-skinned woman at the door stares at the pirate. The half-elf smiles and shrugs her shoulders, which causes the dark-skinned woman to shake her head, the bells in her forest of long braids chiming in the air.
“Hold! I say TOTES hold!”
Belgiana steps forward into the room and raises her hands as the miners begin to move.
“While I know that I, like, totes busted out Druid Craft and, like, went all Tuxedo Mask for a sec there, we nabs need this to go to a fight. I’m sure this is just one craxy misunderstanding!”
The miner’s laugh off the druids attempt to solve this issue without a fight, and press on, two staying focused on the trio of women in the corner, the third heading towards the two women at the door. In the corner, the paladin rolls her green eyes at the druid’s foolish attempt to settle this peacefully. She sets her feet, the chain on her legs rattling, and throws a hooking right fist at one of the miners. The smirking man’s eyes go wide as her fist suddenly begins to shine with a bright white glow, her god’s favor flowing through her, and connects with the side of his face, snapping his head to the side.
Next to her, the statuesque barbarian from the Cottonlane hills laughs uproariously at both the failed display from her friend and the divinely powerful punch. She reaches within herself to the Flame of the Hills, and she seems to grow even larger before the men. She raises up her arms, holding her hands together in a doubled fist, and brings them down atop the head of the man the paladin had just punched. The force of her hammerfist strikes down on top of this head, and he crumbles to the ground, his eyes rolling back in his head.
The man heading to the door, not persuaded even a moment by what Belgiana had to say, jabs his hand forward, the face of his blade shining in the light. The druid’s confidence in her speech causes her to react slowly, and the dagger slices into her arm, leaving a line of red to accompany her cry. She holds onto her wound, her face a mixture of pain and shock, and the man leers at her with a smile.
The the corner, the miner who spoke for the group reached out to the pirate, his blade slashing down at her chest in a diagonal line. Her hands still holding onto the mugs of ale, all she can do is turn her body somewhat, the dagger’s blade finding purchase in her shoulder instead of the intended soft flesh of her bosom, and she hisses in pain as the man laughs.
Thespina’s glare is still upon the pirate, her chocolate eyes moving back and forth between the half-elf’s unnecessarily revealing corset and the man who was attacking her.
“Grr….you are SO gonna get it…”
The bard reaches into her pocket and pulls out a tiny amount of a fine grey sand between her fingers, and then rolls the granules between them as she speaks and her voice takes on a tone which seems to reverberate in the room.
“Sing with me, sing for the years Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears Sing with me, just for today Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away…
In front of her, the eyes of the man who had slashed Belgiana glaze over and he slumps to the ground. Thespina looks down at him, seeing that he was in a deep slumber, and nods her head. She looks back up at Ambrosia and her attacker, thinks for a moment, and then sighs and nods her head.
So what you want? One bourbon, one scotch, one beer Well I ain't seen my baby Since I don't know when
Across the room, Ambrosia still recoils from the pain in her shoulder, but the words of the bard reach her on a wave of magical energy. Hearing the song, she realizes that she has two heavy tin mugs in her hands. Turning as to protect her injured left shoulder, she swings with her right and slams the mug into the man’s face, spraying him and herself with the beer. Taking advantage of his eyes automatically shutting from the splash, she backs away from him and slips behind her larger, and more heavily armored companions.
Belgiana sees her attacker asleep on the floor, as well as another who seemed to be unconscious in the corner of being pummeled by two of her companions, and then looks around the room. The mid-day patrons, all men in rough clothes with sun-dark faces, were all staring at the encounter with wide eyes. This was a small town, after all, and a group such as theirs was no doubt strange to them.
Her eyes go wide as she looks behind them to the door, where the frame had suddenly been filled with what looked to be two more bodies, each wearing the clothes of the miner’s accosting them, each both with those knives in their hands.
“Look out! Thespie!”
A ball of flame suddenly bursts from the druid’s hand, a small crackle of red and yellow which patrons immediately shied away from. With a grunt, she thrusts her arm forward and sends the ball of flame over the short bard and into the face of the man in front. But the man, his own eyes wide, suddenly pushes backward and into his companion, and the two tumble out of the door and to the ground, the tiny ball of fire flying to land on the ground harmlessly.
Back over in the corner, Merovingian turns to the man with the raucous grin who was still blinded by the ale. She growls at the man as she squares her feet and then launches a kick into his midsection, forcing the man to double him over. Behind her, bb laughs loudly again as he grabs the paladin’s strong shoulders and uses her to push up and into the air, wherein she drives a jumping knee into the top of the man’s head. The man crumbles to the ground atop his companion.
Outside of the tavern, the two newcomers scramble to their feet and rush forward, getting themselves into the building and standing just inside the door. Their eyes go wide at the scene before them: Their three friends down on the ground, and five women in a variety of clothes and colors standing tall.
“Yeah...you might wanta just get outa here.”
The miners look at one another for a moment, turn, and run away as fast as possible, wisely listening to the suggestion of the bard. Thespina then turns around and stares daggers as piercing as any at the pirate across the room.
“WE are gonna have a talk.”
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