Post by Publicist on Sept 3, 2017 7:29:48 GMT -5
TOKYO
Japan
Sarah lost herself the dance. As she had earlier insinuated, she had removed the shirt under the kimono to reveal her bare chest underneath, her pale breasts clear for anyone who looked. People certainly looked at the albino in the kimono, her excitement more than apparent from the closeness with her lover. Many emotions flooded through Sarah as she danced with Kenzi, sweat pouring down her in the stuffy club. There as a desperation to her movements, a need and worry that matched her affection and desire for her wife, and was a microcosm of the roller coaster of their honeymoon. Worry that they were not going to be able to get Colin to rescind the sham marriage to Kenzi, and that they would never be able to legally be wives. Worry over her own inability to succeed. Guilt for pressing the subject of Kenzi's future career, guilt for her doubts of whether or not Kenzi could succeed. Shame that she STILL shook with anger and inadequacy when she saw or thought of Song. And so she danced and tried to emote nothing but fun, love, passion, and sensuality to Kenzi, the light of her life.
Kenzi enjoyed the night of dancing and fun. It was nice to forget about her troubles for a while, but when it was over and it was time to head back to the hotel she couldn't help but to think back to Sarah's words to her about what role she might fill…not as an equal partner or even co-worker in the ring, but as an administrator of her affairs...a glorified paper pusher. She knew that Sarah hadn’t meant it as a slap in the face, but it stung all the same. She was a loser and the weak link in Team Kickass…a name she still hated, but a team she loved being part of. Their success had been a source of pride, but if her last ‘Sexy Fang Podcast’ was any indication, Sarah basically said that she could tag team with a broom and be just as successful…she was an expert, even in such a short span as she had been a professional. Her last performance at Empire Pro had netted them the victory, but her method had cost them the chance at the CWC Tag Team Titles. Her performance at LAW Queen of the Ring had been equally shameful…and an obvious let down for Sarah. They both had their hearts set on a confrontation in the ring with one another…well…Sarah did at least.
Maybe that frustration coupled with the irritation of the situation with Colin had loosened her tongue a bit more than she intended. Either way, the cat was out of the bag and she now knew where she stood, the question was…what would she do about it? Quit…that was the obvious answer. To give up and walk away, let Sarah live their dream…she could live vicariously through Sarah’s victories and championships. She could be what Sarah wanted…the trophy wife actress and singer who stood behind her and clapped as she pulled off amazing moves in the ring. It was…something…
As they walked back into the hotel room, she could feel her face hot and flushed, tears threatening to rise in her eyes. She quickly excused herself. “Going to take a shower.” She hurried into the bathroom, stripping down quickly as she hopped into the water and let it pound her face…then she let the hot tears fall. The revelation of her failures inside the ring had been lost on her…she was so happy for Sarah and so focused on her Scientology studies that she didn’t realize what a disappointment she really had become.
Sarah stares at her phone. She only knew a few words of Japanese, had not had need of it for many years, but she got the gist of it before she even ran it through the translator on her phone. Her heart throbbed.
#txt Please join me for a glass of wine after your shower?
Kenzi stayed in the shower for a very long time. It was where she did her best thinking. She had come up with so many ideas for television, movies, and songs…but tonight she just drew a blank. Only the words of her wife echoing in her ears…or was she just her lover again? Her body was numb and the stench of failure clung to her like dirt that wouldn’t easily be washed off. When she was done she cleared off the steam from the mirror and was horrified to see her eyes swollen and red from crying. She hadn’t cried this long and hard since Sarah left her to run off to New York with Angie Vaughn. She never thought she’d cry like that again…but she was wrong. She cleaned up herself as best she could, planning on heading right to bed, but a check of her phone revealed that she would have to face her Sarah again in the light before the night was through. She straightened herself and threw on a nightie as she headed to meet Sarah, holding head up and plastering on a smile that was as broad as she could manage. “Hey Baby!”
"FINALLY!" Sarah finishes pouring two flutes of wine. She continues talking with her back turned to the door and begins to turn. "For a second there, I thought my beautiful bride would-" She stops dead as she sees Kenzi's face, her own turning even more pale as it drains of blood. The flutes fall to the floor with a crash. "What's wrong?!"
Kenzi covers her mouth as she gets down on her knees and start picking up pieces of broken glass. "Sorry! Let me help you with this...sorry Baby!"
Sarah slips to her knees and holds Kenzi's hands in place. She makes her look up and into her own eyes. "Talk to me."
Kenzi shakes her head. "It's nothing. I think I just got something in my eye. I was clumsy...just not as clumsy as you." She laughed it off as best she could.
Anger flashes in her eyes. "Mackenzie Michaela Grey-Lacklan, you talk to me right now. I have seen this face TWICE in our lives together and neither one of them have been good." Her face falls a bit. "Please."
Kenzi sighs as she stood up abruptly and walked away, wrapping her arms around herself, her head down as she spoke. "You're right...I probable don't deserve to be a wrestler. I shouldn't be a wrestler at all. I really wanted to prove to you and everyone else that I was worth something...but...maybe you're right."
Sarah's eyes go wide. "That's not what I meant." She shakes her head, her eyes moving quickly. "No no no no!" She stands up and takes a stop towards Kenzi. "I meant the other way around." She licks her lips. "You have won just about all of our tag team matches. YOU! And losing to Gabby is nothing to be ashamed of. We BOTH lost to her." She grows silent for a moment. "All I am saying...is that I was wrong. I was wrong to ask you to be 3 things at once. Does that make sense?"
"Sarah... I know what you meant and its fine. You were right to say it. My mother has been saying it for 2 years. I just didn't want to listen...not to her." Tears roll down her cheek and she is helpless to stop them. "You're my heart..."
"No!" The use of her first name is not lost on her. "Stop putting words in my mouth! I have ALWAYS had faith in you as a wrestler! Stop twisting my words!" Her eyes fill with anger again. "Is this some of that...Scientology shit?!"
Kenzi turns to Sarah, unconvinced. "It's nothing to do with anything more than the reality of things. I get it. You don't have to feel bad about speaking your mind. And I shouldn't feel bad about listening to what you had to say."
Sarah shakes her head again, the anger still in her eyes. "The truth is that this is best year of your career. Do you need to do better? Yes! Do you need to focus? Yes! That's why-" She falters for a moment. She closes her eyes to fight back tears. "...fuck...you are going to hate me for this...FUCK..." She opens her eyes and they glisten. "I want you to quit Hexx."
Kenzi smiled a bit at this. Probably not the expected reaction. "If you had said that to me 6 weeks ago, I would have hugged you to death. But now...I see that the thing I hate...is the only fucking thing that I'm actually good at." She shrugs, "Besides loving you...I guess."
Sarah backs away a step and plops down into a chair. "I ruin everything."
Kenzi sits beside her, but doesn't touch her. "You've given me a lot to think about. Not good or bad. I wanted this...I wanted what you want...what you have right now, but maybe I can't have that."
Sarah rubs her temples, hating herself. "Let’s go to bed. Please."
Kenzi hugs Sarah, kissing her mouth, increasing the urgency, though the tears continue to flow. "I don't want to go to sleep. I want you to take me...make it hurt. It would make as both feel better. Would you do that?"
Sarah wants to tell her no...wants to just go to bed and hold each other... "...goddamnit..." Lately, she had been biting the inside of her lip to hold her anger. She had been closing her eyes and taking deep breaths. She had been painting. Anything to push her anger away. And then her eyes fall to the broken wine glasses. "Look what you made me do." Her eyes fill with fire. "This was supposed to be magical...FUCKING MAGICAL!" She stands up suddenly and looks down at Kenzi. "Get your fucking clothes off!"
A FEW HOURS LATER...
Kenzi held on to Sarah wordlessly, tears still falling as she gripped her tightly. Everything hurt and that was good, it made the inside hurt that much less. It would hurt again tomorrow, but that was another day. She would need to decide what she wanted to do...focus on acting and making her wife happy doing what she hated, or continue to disappoint her wife struggling to be a success in a sport that didn't want her...
Japan
Sarah lost herself the dance. As she had earlier insinuated, she had removed the shirt under the kimono to reveal her bare chest underneath, her pale breasts clear for anyone who looked. People certainly looked at the albino in the kimono, her excitement more than apparent from the closeness with her lover. Many emotions flooded through Sarah as she danced with Kenzi, sweat pouring down her in the stuffy club. There as a desperation to her movements, a need and worry that matched her affection and desire for her wife, and was a microcosm of the roller coaster of their honeymoon. Worry that they were not going to be able to get Colin to rescind the sham marriage to Kenzi, and that they would never be able to legally be wives. Worry over her own inability to succeed. Guilt for pressing the subject of Kenzi's future career, guilt for her doubts of whether or not Kenzi could succeed. Shame that she STILL shook with anger and inadequacy when she saw or thought of Song. And so she danced and tried to emote nothing but fun, love, passion, and sensuality to Kenzi, the light of her life.
Kenzi enjoyed the night of dancing and fun. It was nice to forget about her troubles for a while, but when it was over and it was time to head back to the hotel she couldn't help but to think back to Sarah's words to her about what role she might fill…not as an equal partner or even co-worker in the ring, but as an administrator of her affairs...a glorified paper pusher. She knew that Sarah hadn’t meant it as a slap in the face, but it stung all the same. She was a loser and the weak link in Team Kickass…a name she still hated, but a team she loved being part of. Their success had been a source of pride, but if her last ‘Sexy Fang Podcast’ was any indication, Sarah basically said that she could tag team with a broom and be just as successful…she was an expert, even in such a short span as she had been a professional. Her last performance at Empire Pro had netted them the victory, but her method had cost them the chance at the CWC Tag Team Titles. Her performance at LAW Queen of the Ring had been equally shameful…and an obvious let down for Sarah. They both had their hearts set on a confrontation in the ring with one another…well…Sarah did at least.
Maybe that frustration coupled with the irritation of the situation with Colin had loosened her tongue a bit more than she intended. Either way, the cat was out of the bag and she now knew where she stood, the question was…what would she do about it? Quit…that was the obvious answer. To give up and walk away, let Sarah live their dream…she could live vicariously through Sarah’s victories and championships. She could be what Sarah wanted…the trophy wife actress and singer who stood behind her and clapped as she pulled off amazing moves in the ring. It was…something…
As they walked back into the hotel room, she could feel her face hot and flushed, tears threatening to rise in her eyes. She quickly excused herself. “Going to take a shower.” She hurried into the bathroom, stripping down quickly as she hopped into the water and let it pound her face…then she let the hot tears fall. The revelation of her failures inside the ring had been lost on her…she was so happy for Sarah and so focused on her Scientology studies that she didn’t realize what a disappointment she really had become.
Sarah stares at her phone. She only knew a few words of Japanese, had not had need of it for many years, but she got the gist of it before she even ran it through the translator on her phone. Her heart throbbed.
#txt Please join me for a glass of wine after your shower?
Kenzi stayed in the shower for a very long time. It was where she did her best thinking. She had come up with so many ideas for television, movies, and songs…but tonight she just drew a blank. Only the words of her wife echoing in her ears…or was she just her lover again? Her body was numb and the stench of failure clung to her like dirt that wouldn’t easily be washed off. When she was done she cleared off the steam from the mirror and was horrified to see her eyes swollen and red from crying. She hadn’t cried this long and hard since Sarah left her to run off to New York with Angie Vaughn. She never thought she’d cry like that again…but she was wrong. She cleaned up herself as best she could, planning on heading right to bed, but a check of her phone revealed that she would have to face her Sarah again in the light before the night was through. She straightened herself and threw on a nightie as she headed to meet Sarah, holding head up and plastering on a smile that was as broad as she could manage. “Hey Baby!”
"FINALLY!" Sarah finishes pouring two flutes of wine. She continues talking with her back turned to the door and begins to turn. "For a second there, I thought my beautiful bride would-" She stops dead as she sees Kenzi's face, her own turning even more pale as it drains of blood. The flutes fall to the floor with a crash. "What's wrong?!"
Kenzi covers her mouth as she gets down on her knees and start picking up pieces of broken glass. "Sorry! Let me help you with this...sorry Baby!"
Sarah slips to her knees and holds Kenzi's hands in place. She makes her look up and into her own eyes. "Talk to me."
Kenzi shakes her head. "It's nothing. I think I just got something in my eye. I was clumsy...just not as clumsy as you." She laughed it off as best she could.
Anger flashes in her eyes. "Mackenzie Michaela Grey-Lacklan, you talk to me right now. I have seen this face TWICE in our lives together and neither one of them have been good." Her face falls a bit. "Please."
Kenzi sighs as she stood up abruptly and walked away, wrapping her arms around herself, her head down as she spoke. "You're right...I probable don't deserve to be a wrestler. I shouldn't be a wrestler at all. I really wanted to prove to you and everyone else that I was worth something...but...maybe you're right."
Sarah's eyes go wide. "That's not what I meant." She shakes her head, her eyes moving quickly. "No no no no!" She stands up and takes a stop towards Kenzi. "I meant the other way around." She licks her lips. "You have won just about all of our tag team matches. YOU! And losing to Gabby is nothing to be ashamed of. We BOTH lost to her." She grows silent for a moment. "All I am saying...is that I was wrong. I was wrong to ask you to be 3 things at once. Does that make sense?"
"Sarah... I know what you meant and its fine. You were right to say it. My mother has been saying it for 2 years. I just didn't want to listen...not to her." Tears roll down her cheek and she is helpless to stop them. "You're my heart..."
"No!" The use of her first name is not lost on her. "Stop putting words in my mouth! I have ALWAYS had faith in you as a wrestler! Stop twisting my words!" Her eyes fill with anger again. "Is this some of that...Scientology shit?!"
Kenzi turns to Sarah, unconvinced. "It's nothing to do with anything more than the reality of things. I get it. You don't have to feel bad about speaking your mind. And I shouldn't feel bad about listening to what you had to say."
Sarah shakes her head again, the anger still in her eyes. "The truth is that this is best year of your career. Do you need to do better? Yes! Do you need to focus? Yes! That's why-" She falters for a moment. She closes her eyes to fight back tears. "...fuck...you are going to hate me for this...FUCK..." She opens her eyes and they glisten. "I want you to quit Hexx."
Kenzi smiled a bit at this. Probably not the expected reaction. "If you had said that to me 6 weeks ago, I would have hugged you to death. But now...I see that the thing I hate...is the only fucking thing that I'm actually good at." She shrugs, "Besides loving you...I guess."
Sarah backs away a step and plops down into a chair. "I ruin everything."
Kenzi sits beside her, but doesn't touch her. "You've given me a lot to think about. Not good or bad. I wanted this...I wanted what you want...what you have right now, but maybe I can't have that."
Sarah rubs her temples, hating herself. "Let’s go to bed. Please."
Kenzi hugs Sarah, kissing her mouth, increasing the urgency, though the tears continue to flow. "I don't want to go to sleep. I want you to take me...make it hurt. It would make as both feel better. Would you do that?"
Sarah wants to tell her no...wants to just go to bed and hold each other... "...goddamnit..." Lately, she had been biting the inside of her lip to hold her anger. She had been closing her eyes and taking deep breaths. She had been painting. Anything to push her anger away. And then her eyes fall to the broken wine glasses. "Look what you made me do." Her eyes fill with fire. "This was supposed to be magical...FUCKING MAGICAL!" She stands up suddenly and looks down at Kenzi. "Get your fucking clothes off!"
A FEW HOURS LATER...
Kenzi held on to Sarah wordlessly, tears still falling as she gripped her tightly. Everything hurt and that was good, it made the inside hurt that much less. It would hurt again tomorrow, but that was another day. She would need to decide what she wanted to do...focus on acting and making her wife happy doing what she hated, or continue to disappoint her wife struggling to be a success in a sport that didn't want her...
