Post by Publicist on Feb 26, 2023 6:44:06 GMT -5
FEBRUARY 26, 2023
WRAP-UP
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: This is SHOTS FIRED! I’m Johnny Fever, with my main man, the always controversial Venus Flytrap!
Venus Flytrap: It’s nice to be here Johnny.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: It’s nice to be here? Is that it?
Venus Flytrap: Yeah, I’ve been getting a lot of flack for my ‘hot takes’ on social media from the team, so I’ve decided to dial it down.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: I don’t believe you.
Venus Flytrap: It’s true Doc. I’m not going to say anything to upset anyone’s delicate sensibilities today.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: What about Angie Vaughn? She didn’t throw any touchdown passes last week! She had a 60.9 QB rating! Aren’t you furious and want her fired?
Venus Flytrap: Actually, I hear that she’s one of the top 5 quarterbacks in the LFL.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Wow.
Venus Flytrap: Top five…I know.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Well, what about Dixon? Last week, no receptions! Not a single catch from her! That has to have you up in arms!
Venus Flytrap: She had an off game. It happens.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: She HATES you! This is your chance to roast her! Tell her that she’s overpaid and talentless!
Venus Flytrap: I don’t do that anymore.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Is there a mob hit out on you?
Venus Flytrap: Speaking of the mob, did you see Maria Salvatore-Spencer? Touchdowns on offense and defense. She was Player of the Game on both sides of the ball. Wild.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Nothing about favoritism?
Venus Flytrap: She played a very alert game last week. She was very deserving.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: You know…you’re making this the absolute worst episode of Shots Fired! ever, right?
Venus Flytrap: It’s not about good or compelling episodes. It’s about feelings Doc.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Well…okay, I guess. The rating for this show is going right in the toilet! Anyway, Cincy took on a tough Baltimore team and in spite of Vaughn being unable to connect with any of her receivers in the endzone, the Hit Girls made up for that with two defensive touchdowns and some hard running by Salvatore-Spencer. This was a quality win against a quality opponent.
Venus Flytrap: The Bombshells came in with a plan to shut down the pass game and The Hit Girls countered with effective Defense. Once again, AMC ran the Defense to perfection and everyone responded. This was easily the greatest Defensive performance for the team this season.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Can I say, I really don’t like this version of you.
Venus Flytrap: Shots Fired! should be a safe space Johnny. People don’t tune in for controversy, They just want stats and positivity.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: What do I have to do to get you to say something mean?
Venus Flytrap: This is a brand new me, Doc. I just talk about the statistics. Did you realize, Honey missed her first extra point of the season last week.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: You probably want her drug tested, don’t you?
Venus Flytrap: For sugar maybe, because she’s so sweet. Maybe Honey isn’t even her real name, it’s just what she is.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: …
Venus Flytrap: A ray of sunshine.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Venus…I was wondering, did you see the rumors about Cincy looking to trade Roxy Cotton to the Muskrats?.
Venus Flytrap: Wut?
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Yeah, a lot of talk about it behind the scenes.
Venus Flytrap: Shut up.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Apparently, the team isn’t happy with her low production on offense. Only 2 touchdowns this season.
Venus Flytrap: Well…you can’t score if they don’t throw the ball to you!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Maybe, but Vaughn really likes to get everyone involved.
Venus Flytrap: …no…
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: And Coda! She’s truly been the number 1 receiver for Vaughn. Look at the number of targets. That's your first option, every time!
Venus Flytrap: No.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: The writing was on the wall all along. Especially with them drafting Dixon. She’s younger and probably more talented than Cotton.
Venus Flytrap: NO!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! FUCK YOU!!! FUCK THAT!!! NOOOOOOOO!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: There it is.
Venus Flytrap: LOOK! I don’t care that Vaughn is top 5 in the league…I DON’T CARE!! You can’t call your team elite when the damn quarterback can’t find a receiver in the endzone. YOU JUST CAN’T! I’m happy that Angie is happy and proud of her ‘standing’ with the LFL, but I speak for the people of Cincy and we want some more damn touchdowns thrown! I don’t want to see her dinking and dunking for four quarters, I WANT TO SEE SOME GODDAMN BOMBS THROWN!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Oh my.
Venus Flytrap: AND AS FOR REPLACING ROXY WITH DIXON?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Dixon shouldn’t be promoting abstinence with that dumb Gridiron Girdle, she needs to be promoting her favorite brand of candy…
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Uh oh.
Venus Flytrap: BUTTERFINGERS! Maybe she’d catch more passes if we put her boyfriend’s face on the ball, but then she’d probably STOP using her hands all together!!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: That’s nasty.
Venus Flytrap: IF THE MUSKRATS WANT ROXY, THEY CAN HAVE ALL OF HER TODAY! I’M CALLING IT NOW, ROXY IS GETTING 3 TOUCHDOWNS AND THAT’S ON GOD!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: I’m glad you’re back buddy.
Venus Flytrap: Me too.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: And with that; I’m Johnny and that’s Venus Flytrap, we will see you next time on, SHOTS FIRED!
