Post by Publicist on Feb 6, 2023 12:15:29 GMT -5
FEBRUARY 6, 2023
WEEK 4 WRAP-UP
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: OW! Babies, it’s week 5 of the LFL, The Hit Girls are on prime time, cuz you know they are fine like wine! This is SHOTS FIRED! I’m Johnny Fever, here to cure you from sickness! I’m side by side with a man who’s a lover of girls with thickness!
Venus Flytrap: Venus Flytrap is here to give it to you straight! Last week was a win, but I’m not comfortable with this team right now. The Defense is playing lights out, but the Offense is living on borrowed time daddy, and you and everyone else in Cincy knows why!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: You better not say Roxy Cotton!
Venus Flytrap: ROXY COTTON!!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Venus, there are other women on this team! Dixon has scored more touchdowns than anyone! Coda has been Ms. Reliable game after game! Salvatore-Spencer has been piling up yards on the ground and in the air! Can’t you see that?
Venus Flytrap: Nah! I see Angie throwing the ball all over the place to a bunch of no-names and players on other teams and I am starting to wonder if she secretly hates Roxy! Maybe she is jealous that Roxy is the real face of the Hit Girls and she is trying to drive her away!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Will you just stop it! Admittedly, Vaughn had a bad game with the forced balls, but if you ask me…THAT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!
Venus Flytrap: WHAT IN THE HELL DID I DO?!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Week after week you come out here and you only talk about how great Cotton is and how the offense should run through her so we can win. Well, here we are entering week five and the offense is doing just fine and the team is 3 and 1! What does that say about all your fawning over Cotton?
Venus Flytrap: We’d be undefeated if Angie threw the ball to Roxy more! Lord, I am about to get struck by lightning…BUT I MISS THE CLEAR CONNECTION! Kenzi sucked, but she got the ball to Roxy! She scrambled for -50 yards, but that brought time for her to get the ball to Roxy! Angie just stands back there like a statue, waiting to get hit!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: You’re insane, you know that right?
Venus Flytrap: Nothing that years of therapy and a bunch more balls thrown to Roxy can’t fix!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Before we move on, I want to talk about this comment that Vaughn made after the game.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: You go to a lot of those, do you?
Venus Flytrap: The Fly Guy goes where he’s needed…BITCH!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Regardless! Do you see this as Vaughn deflecting, at least some of the blame for those interceptions? She said it was overblown and possibly taken out of context.
Venus Flytrap: She said what she said, and unlike other controversial things she said, she didn’t delete this, like that mess she said about our Lord and Savior! I think that what she said was very clear, she thinks she made a few mistakes, but she wasn’t the only one. Personally, I think her one and only mistake was not putting all the balls in Roxy’s hands!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Well, I think young Ms. Vaughn has some growing to do this season. She had some mistakes, but the team was there to bail her out. One thing that Grey never did was point fingers at her teammates when things didn’t go well. She ran the Offense and when they sputtered, she took full accountability. Vaughn will need to learn that lesson if she wants to turn that Offense into a well-oiled machine, like Chase has done with the Defense.
Venus Flytrap: Smooth transition, my melanin challenged brother from another mother. The Offense has been scoring when it needs to, but the Defense has been outstanding behind AMC. She has been directing traffic and putting hits on chicks, left and right!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: She sure has, and you can’t talk about the Defense without talking about Katie Anderson and Trixie. They have been the Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy of defense, forget about Batman and Robin!
Venus Flytrap: Katie was brought here to catch balls, but the reality is that the only thing being caught around her is whippins! She has been a beast all season and right now, I am hoping that she is a top candidate for making the Pro Bowl! Amazing talent…and thicker than a Alabama smoked ham!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: You just refuse to keep it classy, but I’ll agree with everything up to you talking about ham!
Venus Flytrap: You just scared of Mrs. Fever!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Yes, yes I am. Let’s move on to tonight’s game! It’s week five and that means that the Bellas are coming to The Queen City for a Monday Night showdown! Philly might be at 2 and 2, but they are hungry for a win and many are saying that Cincy is ripe for the picking with all the PICKS that Vaughn tossed last weekend. What do you say about it Fly?
Venus Flytrap: It all boils down to Angie being able to put that game and her stupid comment behind her. I don’t care what she meant by it, week 4 is in the books and week 5 is ready to be written! The Bellas lost by 5 to the Pride and that game could have gone their way in the final moments, they had momentum on their side. If the Girls take this game lightly, the Bellas are going to leave Cincy with a winning record.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Hard not to agree with you there. The Bellas are going to be looking to get back on track, but you know what…I’m going to make your day, at least part of it. Cotton will also be looking to get back into the endzone and that might just be the key to Cincy coming out a winner tonight!
Venus Flytrap: MY MAN!!!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: And so will Dixon!
Venus Flytrap: YOU DIRTY MOTHERFU-
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Dixon and Cotton may not like each other, but I promise you that neither one of them were happy with that last game. Cotton didn’t even sniff the endzone, but she caught more passes than anyone, including the longest of the season. Dixon didn’t get a single catch, but she’s the leading receiver in scoring. Competition is the life blood of great players and I think we are going to see some great play from these two tonight!
Venus Flytrap: Just Roxy, I'm sure!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Well, you keep on focusing on Cotton and I will focus on what really matters. Last week Cotton and Dixon got shut out of the endzone, but the Hit Girls came together as a team and put points on the board. Vaughn found Coda and Cartier for their first touchdowns of the season and Salvatore-Spencer trucked her way into the endzone for the first time as well.
Venus Flytrap: Okay, yeah it was time for the supporting cast to shine and they did their thing!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Yes they did, and what made it all possible was punishing Defense. If the Defense holds and the Offense gets fired up, it could be a fun night in Cincy! My prediction; dualling touchdowns from Cotton and Dixon, and Salvatore-Spenser opens it up on the ground.
Venus Flytrap: Cute fantasy Doc, but here is the spoiler for tonight; Roxy gets 2 touchdowns, probably 3 so long as Angie opens her eyes! Oh yeah, and coach will probably give his wife an easy touchdown that should have gone to Roxy, only because he don’t want to be sleeping on the damn couch! OH! One more thing…Katie and Trixie will actually murder someone on the field tonight!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Wow, that really got dark, but the predictions are in and the Bellas are on their way! I’m The Doctor…
Venus Flytrap: …and I’m Venus.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: That will do it for this episode of Shots Fired! We will see you all after the game!
