Post by Publicist on Jan 29, 2023 12:59:39 GMT -5
JANUARY 29, 2023
WEEK 4
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: OW! Babies, it’s week 4 of the LFL, The Hit Girls are headed to Chicago, where it’s cold as hell! This is SHOTS FIRED! I’m Johnny Fever, your Doctor on-call, with my man Venus, more than a Fly on the wall!
Venus Flytrap: Johnny, I tell you, I am mad as hell….I’M MAD AS HELL!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: How can you be mad after our Hit Girls avenged that week 2 loss by going into New York and bringing home the victory! Coach Raheem might have said it wasn’t a revenge game, but for us in Cincy, IT WAS! OUR GIRLS CAN HANDLEM MORE THAN JUST THE TIP!
Venus Flytrap: Johnny, I aint mad at the win, I’m happy to see Cincy win…I’m just not happy about HOW they did it! I can’t believe I am going to say this…but it has to be said…ANGIE VAUGHN IS RUINING ROXY COTTON’S CAREER!!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: What are you even talking about, man?!
Venus Flytrap: Roxy is the best receiver in the LFL and everyone knows it! She should have 5, 10, 20 touchdowns already! She is open on damn near every play, but Angie is ignoring her and throwing the ball to Dixon! WHAT THE HELL FOR?!!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Okay! Number one, Cotton isn’t open on every play!
Venus Flytrap: I said nearly!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Number two, Vaughn isn’t just throwing to Dixon, in fact, she’s thrown the ball to Cartier more times than anyone, and she has made damn sure that The Hit Girls stay on the move! Do you want to talk trash about Cartier now?!
Venus Flytrap: …
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Well?!
Venus Flytrap: …I don’t want to be stabbed, thank you…
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Look, we have all heard Cotton complaining about the way the ball is being spread around, but that is exactly why The Hit Girls are on the roll that they are on. Cartier has been making tough catch after tough catch, and Coda has been as reliable as the Timex watch I brought back in 1982 that I am still wearing today!!
Venus Flytrap: Ow, that’s racist! Why you gotta compare that Asian woman to a watch made in China!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Timex is an American watch company, you idiot!
Venus Flytrap: Then it’s cultural misappropriation!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: You’re ridiculous! As I was saying, Coda has been the glue that has held this team together. She is either first or second in all the major categories of gameplay and she has done it all without boasting about being the best or telling her teammates that they suck! That leadership is what this team has rallied behind, especially the newcomers like Dixon, Spencer, and Anderson!
Venus Flytrap: Okay, that is fine. I’ll give you that. I have watched Anderson put chicks on their asses, she has left them cross eyed and needing glasses!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Trixie hasn’t been a slouch either. If not for a few missed tackles, she might be leading the team right now. Couple that with Honey kicking the lights out and this team is looking dangerous heading into Chicago today, Fly!
Venus Flytrap: Fine, Doc, you got me fired up now, but I have a prediction! Today, Cotton is going to torch the Fire and she is going to show this team and every other in the LFL why she is the best! Mark my words!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Well, I won’t be mad if The Girls roast The Fire today, but I’m expecting a team effort and a big team win! That will do it for today folks, it is nearly game time! I am The Doctor!
Venus Flytrap: And I am your boy Venus Flytrap!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: That will do it for this episode of Shots Fired! We will see you all after the game!
