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Post by Publicist on May 28, 2019 9:47:47 GMT -5
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Post by Publicist on May 28, 2019 9:48:16 GMT -5
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: OW! Babies, listen up, it’s the Doctor coming at you and I want to welcome you to the first edition of SHOTS FIRED! We are here to talk about Cincinnati, and the Doctor is letting you know that this LFL season is gonna be SICK! Everyone is coming down with a fever babies…Johnny Fever! But don’t you worry about that fever being too high because Johnny is here with his MAIN guy, I’m talking about the man so sweet he gives ALL the ladies diabetes! My main man VENUS FLYTRAP!
Venus Flytrap: That’s right people, the name is Venus and yes it’s true I have a big pe...
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: OW! HOLD ON BABIES!! We don’t want no FCC violations on our very first broadcast! We are here to talk about the upcoming LFL season, and more importantly…YOUR CINCINNATI HIT GIRLS!!
Venus Flytrap: Absolutely! The Beasts are out, but Cincy is still in the fight because the Hit Girls are in! CTN teamed up with Lacklan International and our LFL franchise was saved Daddy!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: You know it was, and the fans are eternally grateful and we are ALL looking forward to this upcoming season. Now, there are lot stories on and off the field, so let’s get to it!
Venus Flytrap: When you talking about a new franchise you gotta talk roster and as soon as they started talking roster, they started talking about who they could build that team around. The co-owner, Sarah Lacklan made no bones about it, that fine drink of albino hotness wanted to bring in an enforcer who dominated last season…Sarah made a hell of a pitch to get Emma Benton from the LA Blackout!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: She did V! She put out the feelers and she laid some serious bread on the table, but Benton wasn’t having it. She didn’t even want to come to the table and see what Cincinnati had cooked up for her!
Venus Flytrap: Benton passed, but when one door closes, another one opens Daddy and we got ourselves something special in #24, Virginia Stone! She is jacked to the bone and ready to carry that Wonder Cup home!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: No doubt V! No doubt, but I wonder…now listen to me…I wonder if our General Manager, Sidney Grey was a bit hasty signing a rookie and not laying out a little more scratch for the experience of Benton. I’m just asking!
Venus Flytrap: MAN! Have you SEEN Stone? Did you watch the tape Daddy?! I watched the tape…I seen her run through chicks like dookie through a goose! She might be green as grass, but I know that she can beat some a…
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: WHOA!! FCC GONNA BE ALL OVER WKRP TODAY BROTHA!! Okay…we will see how Stone performs this year as compared to Benton. I got a C-note that says that Benton outperforms Stone and makes the GM eat here words!
Venus Flytrap: I’m gonna take that bet Johnny…and I am gonna take that bread at the end of the year, BELIEVE THAT DADDY!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Alright, you heard it here Babies! Stone vs Benton…who has the better season! Venus is taking Stone and The Doctor is putting his green on Benton!
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Post by Publicist on May 28, 2019 9:48:52 GMT -5
CODA AND THE GREAT UNIFORM CONTROVERSY
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Okay Babies! Next issue we are bringing to the table…UNIFORMS!
Venus Flytrap: OH YEAH! Venus comes for the football, but he also comes for the uniforms Daddy!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: I am hoping that is not an FCC issue, but either way! I know what you mean! The LFL uniform is iconic and let’s be honest, it’s one of the main reasons the sport got off the ground to begin with until men realized that HEY, these girls can REALLY PLAY!
Venus Flytrap: Absolutely Doctor, you won’t get no flack from Venus! Those girls can really light it up out there on the field…but I do like watching those booties shake!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: True! But believe it or not, there is one member of our Hit Girls team who is NOT wanting to wear the iconic lingerie uniform!
Venus Flytrap: SAY WHAT?!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Say CODA, as in the beautiful and deadly #66! She has made it very clear that she is not interested in wearing the current team uniform and has taken the matter of with General Manager Sidney Grey. Yesterday the league deferred the matter to The Hit Girls and Grey has scheduled a meeting with Coda.
Venus Flytrap: Man…I don’t know about you…but now I want to see Coda’s junk in them trunks even worse than I did before! Please tell me that Sid is gonna make her wear that uniform Doctor!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: I don’t know V, but I can tell you this…once the Doctor finds out…the rest of you Babies out there in Cincy Nation will know the deal!
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Post by Publicist on May 28, 2019 9:49:31 GMT -5
ROXY COTTON'S 69 | KENZI DON'T KNOW FOOTBALL
Venus Flytrap: Doctor…DADDY…can we please talk about Roxy Cotton and this jacked up cost for her fan jersey? $69.69 to have #69 all over your body Johnny!!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Lets speak on it Venus! Here is my take on why CTN did that. I’m not gonna mince words, plain and simple…fans are JERKS and CTN recognized that the merch is gonna sell just for it being number 69, they are gonna buy it if they love Roxy…but here is the kicker…the HATERS are gonna buy it…JUST TO BURN IT! Pure genius if you ask The Doctor!
Venus Flytrap: I feel you Johnny! If that was the reason for it, then more power to corporate for doing that. Now, in checking the figures…sales of the Roxy jersey are surpassing all sales of all other merchandise right now. Love her or hate her, right now yall are making her rich!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: On the other end of the spectrum, you have our team captain and starting quarterback, #13 Kenzi Grey-Lacklan. Her jersey has yet to sale a single unit! Is that because people find that number unlucky?
Venus Flytrap: Brotha Doctor, it’s because Kenzi don’t know the difference between football and basketball! I watched her play the other day, she spiked the ball 22 times trying to dribble! MAN, SHE IS TERRIBLE!! Can we put the back up in?
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Careful Venus, our quarterback happens to be married to the owner, so if she spikes the ball 220 times during the season, you better shut up and smile if you want to keep your job!
Venus Flytrap: Awwwe man, DAMN!
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Post by Publicist on May 28, 2019 9:50:05 GMT -5
RIVALRIES: PERRY WALLACE | MILWAUKEE
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: The season hasn’t even started yet and our Hit Girls are already in some pretty heated rivalries! The first one…I’m not even sure that I will call a rivalry! Our General Manager was hitting on Perry Wallace, the owner of the Sin City Sabres! Now…I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my team’s GM fraternizing with the enemy Venus!
Venus Flytrap: Is she flirting…or is it gamesmanship Doctor? I mean, what better way to get inside another team’s playbook, than to let the owner of the team get inside that…
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: VENUS!! FCC BROTHA, FCC!
Venus Flytrap: Sorry Doctor, but my point stands. Either Sid is trying to do a little insider trading…or she is just a freak!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Issue number two is a real team vs team down and dirty! The Milwaukee Mayhem have made no bones that they have our Hit Girls in their sights this season. What started as friendly banter, turned a bit heated Babies! The Doctor thought that someone was going to need emergency surgery!
Venus Flytrap: Well, my money always gonna be on Cincy…even if our quarterback is freaking terrible!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: You are SO gonna get fired…
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Post by Publicist on May 28, 2019 9:55:00 GMT -5
THE LOCKER ROOM CREEPER “Doctor” Johnny Fever: As we get closer and closer to the start of the season, some pretty interesting dynamics have been taking shape on the Hit Girl’s squad babies! I aint one to be spreading rumors, but I heard that there is some pretty steamy happenings…happening…inside that locker room!
Venus Flytrap: SAY WHAT?! You mean to tell me that there is some hot girl on girl action going on?
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Well…I didn’t say that, but word on the street has it that one of our players has been a little shy about showering around a certain other player.
Venus Flytrap: Hold on Doctor, is this sexual harassment or is it freaky deaky time? Venus gotta know if this is something he can groove to…or if this is something your boy has gotta pretend he don't know nothing about when human resources starts asking questions!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: I wish I could say Brotha V, but I’m just hoping that this situation doesn’t turn into a…stinker…if you get where the Doctor is going!
Venus Flytrap: MAN! At least tell me who it is?!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: All in good time Venus…all in good time.
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Post by Publicist on May 28, 2019 9:55:31 GMT -5
VENUS VERSUS LACKLAN | QUARTERBACK CONTROVERSY
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Looks like one of us made the news this week, huh V?
Venus Flytrap: Yeah, I guess our owner heard some comments I made about our starting quarterback, who HAPPENS to be her wife, and she didn’t take to kindly to that! As a matter of a fact, she threatened to dock a brotha’s pay!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Indeed, but to be fair, I did warn you about talking about Kenzi Grey on the air! That was all you V! That being said, Kenzi took to Twitter and asked that Sarah Lacklan not dock your pay. As a matter of a fact Babies, Kenzi took it a step further and offered to supplement V’s pay if her wife docked him. What do you have to say about that?
Venus Flytrap: Okay, I appreciate Kenzi taking up for me, that was big of her, but my view hasn’t changed. She’s gonna be a terrible quarterback this year and I will say it until she proves me wrong! This aint basketball…tell her to stop trying to dribble!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Well, I appreciate your passion V. Sarah didn’t dock you and Kenzi has vowed to prove you wrong this season. Personally, I can’t wait to see it!
Venus Flytrap: I’m right…they need to put in AMC and be done with it! Kenzi can ride the pine or the owner…just don’t let her keep messing up my damn team!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Oh…you are SO gonna get fired...
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Post by Publicist on May 28, 2019 9:56:00 GMT -5
HONEY BEES
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Things on the field are starting to heat up, but on Monday…the Hit Girls were looking to fill some more team positions, but these were for the coveted Hit Girl’s Cheerleading Team!
Venus Flytrap: NOW YOU’RE TALKING VENUS’ LANGUAGE!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Many selections were made by the judges, and in particular the team owner and Cheer Captain, Sarah Lacklan. But there was one special position to be filled, that of Head Cheerleader…more of a figurehead and second fiddle to the Captain, but a coveted position all the same. It came down to Honey Sunshine and Jessika Hyde.
Venus Flytrap: Fine ass Honey…and that crazy nut who always talks about bees? Man…that aint no contest! HONEY IS OUR PICK!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Well, V, a fan poll agreed with you, but Lacklan made an executive decision and went against the polling, selecting Hyde to the dismay of Hit Girl’s Nation. My question is this…is this personal beef or does our owner know better than the fans?
Venus Flytrap: My opinion is that Lacklan is just a dick! She has it in for Honey and this was her chance to stick it to her, so she used her stroke to do just that! Problem is, she also stuck it to the fans, because now we gotta hear cheers about freaking bees all damn season!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: I can’t wait to see the BUZZ on this!
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Post by Publicist on May 28, 2019 9:56:49 GMT -5
MORE QUARTERBACK CONTROVERSY
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Check it out Babies! LFL signings ended last night and most teams are working to get those last minute signings done. Well, your Hit Girls had signed all of its talent weeks ago, but that didn’t mean there weren’t gonna be any shake ups! We have a quarterback controversy…AGAIN!
Venus Flytrap: Please tell me that Kenzi Grey is OUT!!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Kenzi Grey-LACKLAN is still our starting QB. The shake up is with the backup QB. I just got word that Ashley Marie Chase was removed from the back up QB position due to missing several practices with the first team.
Venus Flytrap: OH MY GOD! WE DON’T HAVE A BACKUP!! Come on Doc! If any team in the league needs a backup, it’s US!! Kenzi is TERRIBLE!!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: V, we still don’t know that! Besides, another player stepped up to take the backup position, #11 Xenia Charles will be taking the snaps behind Kenzi. But that aint the story, I think the REAL story is why AMC has been missing so many practices! Word on the street is that AMC has been avoiding team owner Sarah Lacklan over her involvement with the marriage drama with her wife.
Venus Flytrap: AMC BEEN BANGING KENZI?!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: NO MAN!! But…something is going on between the three of them and its already cost AMC the backup QB position…the real question is, what’s next?
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Post by Publicist on May 28, 2019 9:57:14 GMT -5
CODA SURE IS FINE
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Apparently our General Manager, Sidney Grey met with Coda privately over her not wanting to wear the traditional LFL uniform, which she finds demeaning and inappropriate.
Venus Flytrap: Lay it on me Doctor! Tell me that Sid laid the serious smack down on #66 and we are all gonna get the immense pleasure of seeing that fine booty up in them booty shorts!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Not exactly V. Sorry…it looks like Sid gave Coda an option to wear the full jersey and pants.
Venus Flytrap: WHAT THE HELL?!! You mean we aint gonna get to see them Coda cheeks peeking out the backside of our Hit Girls uniform! MAN!! I can’t believe that Sid punked out!!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Well, I said that she gave Coda an option.
Venus Flytrap: Option? What’s the option?
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: If Coda wears the team uniform, there will be no issues, but for every game in which Coda does not wear the traditional uniform, she will incur an escalating fine, starting a $2,500.
Venus Flytrap: DOCTOR! This can only mean one thing…we are either gonna see Coda in those booty shorts by midseason or we are going to see her completely butt naked, because she will be too poor to afford clothes!! GOOD JOB SID!!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: We will see how this all shakes out.
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Post by Publicist on May 28, 2019 9:57:54 GMT -5
GIRL ON GIRL | JULIANA VS ANGIE
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: LISTEN UP BABIES!! GOOD NEWS, GOOD NEWS!! The first LFL preseason game was announced and guess what…your Cincy Hit Girls drew the short straw and will take on the 2017 Wonder Cup Champions, The San Antonio Cowgirls! We got the toughest challenge, right out the gate!
Venus Flytrap: Hold on now Doctor, maybe it’s not that we got the toughest challenge, but we have got the attention of the league and they are trying to capitalize on that, right off the top!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: It could be V! It absolutely could be just that! I know this…there is already a bit of bad blood going on between Juliana Mendoza who plays runningback and free safety and Angie Vaughn, our special teams cornerstone. Apparently those two have some off the field history. They started going at it hot and heavy as soon as the schedule came out!
Venus Flytrap: Juliana Mendoza? Man…I aint gonna lie Doc, Juliana is fine like frog hair, you feel me?
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: I DO feel you on that, but come on Venus, Angie has got it going on too!
Venus Flytrap: Hey! Juliana is a girl you take to the crib…but Angie is a girl you take home to yo’ mama! Venus don't live at home with his mama, so gimme some of that Juliana action!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Well, the only thing the Hit Girls are gonna be looking to take home is that W on Friday night! And on a side note...The Doctor prefers Angie!
Venus Flytrap: MAN! THAT'S CUZ YOU STILL LIVE WITH YO MAMA! Anyway, I can’t way Doc! We get the biggest test in the league! There is no better way to find out where you stand.
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: No better way indeed! And by the way...my mother lives with me, I don't live with her! Call me Angie...
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Post by Publicist on May 28, 2019 9:58:23 GMT -5
GOOD, BAD, & NASTY
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Venus, I want to talk about what is NOT being talked about, not even once since the team roster was announced!
Venus Flytrap: What’s that Doctor?
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: I want to talk about Trixie and Alexis Blake! Now, all the other girls have had something going on, but these two have been quiet as church mice! I haven’t heard any rumors in the locker rooms I haven’t seen any drama on the field…quite frankly, I think this is a good thing!
Venus Flytrap: NAW DOC! You got the game messed up! That ain’t a good sign…THAT IS A TERRIBLE SIGN!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: How do you figure that? There is NO drama what so ever!
Venus Flytrap: Take it from a pimp…errrr ex-pimp! The girls you don’t hear from…man…THOSE ARE THE WORST ONES!! They probably out there cutting up every day! They just 10 toes deep in the game and they know they way round stuff! Trust me…TRIXIE AND ALEXIS ARE DIRTY MAN!! They probably some straight up closet freaks!!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: Trixie and Alexis are just good, honest, hardworking girls who just love the game. I don’t buy what you are saying one bit!
Venus Flytrap: Okay…you watch! They gonna be in some dirt this season…they gonna get caught and it is gonna be NNNNNNNNAAAASSSSSSTTTTYYYY!
“Doctor” Johnny Fever: I don’t even know what you just said!
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Post by Publicist on May 28, 2019 9:59:03 GMT -5
PRESEASON GAME 1 | FLUKE PERFORMANCE
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: Well, last Friday (Saturday for some of you guys) the Cincy Hit Girls played their very first official e-LFL game against the Wonder Cup Champs, the San Antonio Cowgirls and I have to tell you, I was REALLY impressed with the performance of our team as a whole. Now, I know this game doesn’t count, it’s just a tool to work out the kinks…but I have to say…our team did not have a lot of kinks during that performance.
VENUS FLYTRAP: Okay, I am not going to say that I was wrong about some of the things I said in the previous shows because, like you said Doc, this is only preseason…but I was surprised by the performance of a certain member of the team…who shall remain nameless!
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: OH! I’ll name her! Kenzi Grey-Lacklan…a player that you BASHED on almost every show! You wanted her FIRED before the games even started. Now, what do you have to say?
VENUS FLYTRAP: Look Doctor, even a broken clock is right twice a day! This could be a fluke! Maybe the Cowgirls played her light because they listen to WKRP…I DON’T KNOW!
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: She threw for 340 yards and 3 touchdowns. Not too shabby!
VENUS FLYTRAP: She threw a pick and rushed for -10 yards…even General Manager Grey was astute enough to point that out. I think she got lucky and the next game will expose her!
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: Venus, are you sure that you just aren’t mad because of this…
VENUS FLYTRAP: How you gonna let her do me like that Doctor? I thought I was your man?!
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: You started this thing…not me!
VENUS FLYTRAP: I’m going on record…right now…FLUKE! Game 2 she gets exposed! Mark my words!
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: You heard it right here. Venus is calling out #13! We will see what happens!
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Post by Publicist on May 28, 2019 9:59:41 GMT -5
ONE FINE BEHIND
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: Okay Babies! Let’s talk about Coda…she got fined $2,500 for not wearing the Hit Girl’s booty shorts uniform…and then she went out there and has a MONSTER game! Scored the very first touchdown for our franchise on a 9 yard catch…and then racked up a second TD on a 28 yarder! What do you say Venus…is Sidney Grey wrong to keep fining her when she is lighting up the scoreboard?
VENUS FLYTRAP: In a word…ABSOLUTELY! Look Doc, I follow Sid and what she said after the game was 100% true! This is a team sport and teams win games, not individuals! Practice and training is all about building a team…the uniform is all about making everyone the same...part of the collective! You go out and do your job as part of the unit, not for yourself. Coda might have had a great game, but the team enabled her to do so…not pants!
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: So you’d like to see the fines continue?
VENUS FLYTRAP: Naw Doc, I’d like to see Coda in those booty shorts! After this controversy, that is all I even think about when I watch the game! WHAT IS SHE HIDING UNDER THOSE PANTS?!
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: So, by her making it an issue NOT to wear the shorts, you think it is drawing more attention to whatever it is you think she is hiding?
VENUS FLYTRAP: YES! Hey, I watched the girls running around in them shorts all day, and honestly the one I watched he most was her! I want to know what is going on there! FINE HER RIGHT OUT OF THOSE PANTS!!
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: Coda said that she performed so well because she was actually comfortable. Would you be willing to sacrifice performance for seeing Coda’s butt cheeks?
VENUS FLYTRAP: As good as Coda was, our leading receiver was Roxy Cotton who led in receptions and yards! She might not have found the end zone, but she would have if Coda didn’t! Roxy was a team player who showed us all her butt and now it is time for Coda to do the same thing!
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: Why are you so mad Venus?
VENUS FLYTRAP: I really want to see her behind Doc…I REALLY WANT TO SEE IT!!
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: Well, according to Sid, Coda will be fined even more for a second violation, so…we will see if she changes her mind.
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Post by Publicist on May 28, 2019 10:00:14 GMT -5
RUNNING FOR KICKS
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: A lot of stuff went right, but I want to talk about what went wrong…and that was stopping the run.
VENUS FLYTRAP: As good as they were on offense, Juliana Mendoza shredded them for 141 yards and 2 touchdowns, including a 71 yard scamper in the second quarter. That was unacceptable!
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: Well, to their credit, the Hit Girls shut her down in the second half of the game.
VENUS FLYTRAP: THIS TIME! But Juliana exposed a pretty big hole in their game and if they don’t fix it, the rest of the league has the key to beating them!
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: So, you don’t think it is just the fact that Juliana is a beast? I mean, she was named the offensive AND defensive player of the game in a loss where she also got 11 tackles and an interception! If you ask me, she is just a special player and if the Cowgirls are smart, they will slap the franchise tag on her next season!
VENUS FLYTRAP: Well, if they don’t, I will demand that the Hit Girls go all out to get her on our team!
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: That might be a tough sell. She and Angie Vaughn do NOT get along well! One of them would have to go!
VENUS FLYTRAP: Really? Damn…I mean…I like Angie…but Juliana is SO DAMN FINE!!
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: Venus…this aint about looks, this is about football! Angie put on a hell of a kicking game for us. I think that counts for something.
VENUS FLYTRAP: It does count Doc…but, let's be honest...Angie did miss a 40+ yarder! Bottom line, Juliana was clutch! I am gonna make her my WCW this week!
“DOCTOR” JOHNNY FEVER: You do that…but I am happy with our team as it is…whatever happens next season, happens next season.
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